Smiling rainbows!

I am not a complainer by nature. I am the ultimate positivist and I deeply try not to let anyone or anything bring me down or dampen my spirits. So re-reading my past couple of posts, I have realized that they are somewhat negative in tone. I seem to be complaining about everything I am going through in this pregnancy – from the backaches to the restless nights and everything in between! So today I want to focus on the positive things. The things which have made me smile and appreciate this miraculous journey my body is going through.

The Bump.

Yes, I love my bump. I love its’ curve, its’ perfect roundness which is constantly growing and getting bigger. I love the way it has totally unbalanced my body, causing me to inadvertently walk sideways and not in a straight line any longer. I love the various shapes it takes when the baby inside is moving, seeing it shift to the left and right may be uncomfortable but it is the most fascinating thing I have ever seen. I have learnt to identify where the legs, feet and elbows are, and am now quite an expert on the power of the kicks and nudges. And deep down I selfishly love the way the baby only kicks and answers A’s and my own coos and words.

To be honest it is quite shocking the way my body has changed, how my skin is stretching and still needs to stretch more in the coming weeks, how everything is that bit more sensitive and how heavy I seem all of a sudden. But the big reason for all this, and knowing that maybe, just maybe, I will someday be closer to encountering my normal body again, are keeping me going.

New-found Respect.

Unlike a small minority on The Rock, here in England politeness seems to be rule of the land. Take away the few exceptions here and there, and the English have to be among the most polite people I have ever meant. From the way they greet you in shops to the way they drive, everything seems to be about smiles, please’s, thank you’s, and going out of their way to ensure that they have not offended you in any way. While it honestly bothers me at time, because you have to stop and wonder how much of this behaviour is true and how much is just about false smiles and laughs (because honestly, can someone be THAT happy everytime of everyday?), I much prefer to it the way we Maltese function on The Rock. And with pregnancy, has come a newly discovered kind of respect. Our community gardener was working here the other day and while I was on my way out, he stopped trimming the lawn and asked me how I was doing, and how far along I was in the pregnancy.Having 60+ year olds offering to give you their seats on the bus or teenage girls allowing you to jump the queue for the ladies’ toilet, is a novelty for me. I can not help but compare it to The Rock, where such voluntary kindness can be easily dismissed, and daring to ask for a spare seat on a bus would mean getting a hasty ‘no’ plus a couple of angry glares, or more worse, total indifference for the rest of the journey.

Emotions and Hormones.

I am not here referring to the hormones that have lately made me cry for no reason whatsoever or lash out at poor A when he asks me if I am hungry. I have come to appreciate and show my affection to the people closest to me like I have never done before. I am quite a private person and only open up with those whom I am closest to. And even with these people, I am not the most blatant in nature. But I have seen myself change. For some reason, I have never been as close to my mother as I was with my father, and with him passing away, I thought that would bring us closer together. While it has, it is only now that I am really feeling the axis in our relationship change. I am listening to her more, taking heed of her advice and learning to accept her for the person she is, knowing fully well that I am not the easiest person in the world to be with. I have started ending my messages and chats to her with ‘I love you’, something I would not even have started to fathom a couple of months ago. Her visit here last week was perfect in every way – we connected, we talked and it was just the time we both needed to rediscover each other again, and I am truly happy with our relationship.

As for A, I have fallen in love all over again, and then a bit more. He has been everything I needed during this pregnancy – calm, loving, patient (lots and lots), a bit strict at times (I need discipline!) and attentive. He had a different upbringing from mine – his father is an only child and his mother hails from the bigger island, so he never grew up as I did – surrounded with cousins, aunts a big family and all the chaos that comes with that. It was not the case that he felt uncomfortable around young children, it was simply that he was never used to that situation. Give me a child and I’d get down on all fours and act as a child myself. With A, I could see him really trying and now, nine years later, I see a changed man. I fully realized this last year during our wedding preparation period. My cousin who was four at the time, was our flower-girl. She is an adorable girl, totally out-going and always up to something mischievous. A, like myself, is quite reserved. Yet, by the wedding day, she was blatantly choosing his company over mine, and preferring to stay with him than with me. She listened to his every word, did as he told her and laughed when she saw him laughing. I now can not wait for him to meet his child. I know he will be a perfect dad, as perfect as we both can be considering this is a total first for both of us. All his qualities which made me fall in love with him way back in July of 2002 are coming back to hit me, bombard me more like, this time round, and I can not help but look at him and smile every time I see him. He was a perfect boyfriend and fiance, is a wonderful husband and I’m guessing will be a besotted and devoted father.

And the hormones are at it again considering I have just gotten my tissues out…

So have a happy weekend everyone, a happy LONG weekend to everyone in England, and my wee bit of advice to everyone is to learn to be more appreciative about what and who surrounds us. Unfortunately we sometimes let small and useless inconveniences get in our way and block the otherwise sunny path that is our life.

xxx Jos


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