Could it be?

Ever since Cesca was born I have seen a change going around where my friends are concerned. I have till now closed my eyes to the obvious, but have come to realize that indeed, some things have shifted.

When some of my friends found out that I would be spending the three months of summer on The Rock, they messaged me, asking to meet me, go out for coffee, walks and a good old chat. These included my dearest friends, my oldest acquaintances with whom I have spent lots and lots of hours, from our school-time to our going-out days, people who know my fears, loves and secrets.

During the summer I met lots of my friends. And it was a blast. For amongst the things I miss most here in England, are my friends and the meetings and chats we used to have. I have made new friends here, people who have become my second family of sorts, people who share my values and loves and with whom I feel at ease. I would not want to think of a life without friends, because as much as I love A, and consider him my true best friend, there are some things only another female will understand – eg. the number of hours we can spend talking and shopping for clothes, the gossip surrounding the celebrity world, the horrible PMS, bad hair days and excitement over the new Bridget Jones’ film.

So you may understand my sorrow that I only met my true friends twice this summer. I met other friends more than once, and I truly enjoyed it, but my other close friends only got to meet me twice – once pre- and once post-Cesca. Gone were our plans to go for walks with Cesca, meeting up for a drink or just plain visiting each others’ house. I messaged them on various occasions, but all I got in return was a “Yes, we must meet up!” Nothing followed that.

Don’t get me wrong. They still message me on Facebook. They send me emails and messages asking about Cesca and how life in England is. They continue to update on their life back in Malta. But as for meeting them while I could and had time to do so, I am truly saddened by the lack of such.

I do not know if it is a coincidence or not, but the only friends whom I met more than once this summer were the ones who were parents themselves, or who were becoming parents.

Have I become my own nightmare? The type of person who can only speak about their children when they meet other people? Whose whole world revolves around their children? I think not, but the lack of physical contact with my oldest friends has got me thinking that perhaps, I have changed more than I have realized.

And to think that one of the reasons why I wanted to meet up with my friends was to feel as my normal self again, and not just a mummy-to-be and a mummy, with normal topics of conversation and going out hours.

I do not know the reason for this. To be quite honest, I do have some thoughts as to why this might have happened, but they’re too ugly to write down and I do not want to linger too long on such reasons. It just makes me sad that the reality did not live up to the expectations I had this summer as far as my friends were concerned.

Do you think friends who aren’t in a relationship and/or who have no children look at their friends who have children, differently? And maybe tried to avoid them as a result of such?

Here’s hoping that my one-month visit to The Rock in December will be more productive on the friends front.


7 thoughts on “Could it be?

  1. Real good friends should always make time for you no matter what your marital/parental status is. However people who are single many times don’t always feel comfortable with couple and people with kids. The same happens with couples who are still without kids. I sometimes feel that people with kids limit people without kids a bit on what can be planned. So it happens that people without kids stick to friends who also don’t have kids.

    However with my real good friends who have kids, I still meet them and make time for them and also plan things which are kid friendly.

    I guess you’re in a phase in which many of your friends are still not parents and most probably for them it feels, like you said that all they can do with you is talk about parenthood. It’s tactless though!

  2. I can understand your concern. From an unmarried (although we’ve been living together for almost 5 years), unmothered person I’ve found that with friends I have gone through different phases.
    At the moment work is pretty busy plus I have started 2 courses and try to balance several things at once including visiting grandparents, nephews and an active social life. This does not always allow me to meet my friends as often as I wish & the one day that I have got free I look forward to staying in.
    It was never an issue of not wanting to meet friends, I work with kids so I like hearing about their kids, in my case time is a big problem with all the studying and running around that I need to do. I found just stating a day and a time helps to initiate meeting we generally plan a quick tea or drink and if we are lucky a dinner. I found that since I was busy fewer people asked if I wanted to Join the. As they would assume I won’t make it. Assumption is indeed the mother of all f*** ups and generally everyone assumes the other person won’t want to meet. (not sure if my comment makes any sense)..

  3. I understand that everyone has his own life to lead, and finding time is a great problem. But what really bothered me was the case of one friend of mine who met me five days before I was going to leave (first meeting in the whole of three months) and sounded shocked that I was soon to leave for England again. I explained to her that I had been there for three months!!

    And I understood your comment just fine 🙂

  4. I’ve found that the best way to meet up with someone is to set the date as soon as u say ‘let’s meet up!’ whip out your diary/phone/calendar and say “sure. Let’s set a date now” like that it’s set. Yes, they may call to cancel but at least the first step is made. When you come in December, get in touch cos I’d like to meet up 🙂

  5. Pingback: i’m back continued.. | 3bean

  6. G, that would be lovely! I’m in Malta from Dec7 to Jan4, except for the wk between Christmas and New Years, cos I might pop back to England with A for some shopping (sans C) 🙂 Let’s organize a group meeting for the Maltese bloggers!

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