Choosing and Deciding…

We don’t do easy. Never have and we probably never will. Every choice we have ever made in life brought about lots of thought into trying to making the correct decision and learning to live with the choice effectively made. Fortunately enough, we have not yet regretted a single decision we’ve ever made. Sure, we’ve often wondered whether we unconsciously make life that bit more complicated without even knowing, but in the end we’re at peace with ourselves.

At the beginning of our relationship, life was easy. Life was doing nothing except doing well at university and living off the Lm60 a month we got as stipends for a whole month. The only real problem (for me) was deciding what to wear every weekend. Nothing more. I was lucky enough to have a brilliant boss during my university summer-working days. He would let me leave 30 minutes earlier than supposed (not bad for a 4-hour working day!) and wouldn’t bat a lid if I turned out a couple of minutes late on a Monday morning.

Time passes, circumstances change and priorities do as well.

Nowadays we live in a totally different reality. We are grown-ups, we work, we have greater responsibilities, we have a baby who is totally dependable upon us and we have tougher decisions to take. Compared to others in our situation, I think we’re faring well. Sure we have off days, days when things can’t seem to get any bleaker, but you then know that the only way forward from such a situation is upwards, and such days will pass too.

A moved to England knowing what he wanted to do and set about doing it. I followed him knowing my life would be different in every sense of the word, but I’d be with him and that was enough for me. Still is. We got pregnant and then came the difficult thoughts – What do we do? Do we stay in England? Do we continue to travel? Where do we give birth? And after? The questions increased with every passing day. What usually warranted a couple of minutes thought, now required hours and days at end because we were now making decisions for someone else as well.

We took the decisions we did. We travelled all throughout the pregnancy, right from when I was pregnant and not knowing it and all throughout till I was 33 weeks pregnant and I did the last UK-Malta trip on my own, just 4 weeks before C was born. Yes I did worry my mother, yes I’m sure we got called every name in the book (to our face and more commonly, behind our backs), yes I know it seemed a bit crazy, but it was our decision and we don’t regret it one bit. I’d do the same whole thing again if given the chance. Of course I was lucky to have a great pregnancy, and that helped a great deal.

C was born and moving back to England when she was 2 months old was a big headache since we had accumulated so much things during our stay in Malta. We somehow managed it all (gypsies running around in airports comes to mind!), and have now settled back into our old routine. We visit Malta quite frequently and we have resumed traveling, something we all love doing. C is a co-operative baby and we can’t complain at all. She did around 10 trips on the ‘inside’ and about 9 since she was born so I’m thinking that she’s probably a bit used to it by now. She’s a happy baby so we know that whatever we’re doing, it’s working.

I know we get judged.  And to be quite honest, the judging looks we sometimes get when we’re seen in Malta AGAIN do bug me. What bothers me more is that the people raising their eyebrows at me are the ones who really ought to curl up in a corner and assess their life and choices from A to Z. So please, don’t judge us. They’re our choices. Right or wrong, they’re ours and ours alone. It might surprise you but we’re actually quite happy with them, we won’t change a thing, and we’ll probably the same thing again.

I still battle with some decisions, nowadays they’re mostly C-related. Am I feeding her enough, should I give her this, is she happy, are we reading enough, is she taking enough milk. I will read something and it may throw me off completely. I will worry that I’m doing something wrong, that the decision I took was perhaps the incorrect one. But then I look at this happy munchkin here and I know that motherhood brings along with it every doubt possible. There is no set right or wrong. Whatever works for you at that moment IS the right choice.

We take decisions everyday. Some without even knowing and others can keep us up awake for nights at end. You have to learn to live with your choice. You and no one else. And if you’re happy with the direction your life has taken as a result of such, then you deserve a pat on the back because you know that even though a million things can go wrong at any given time in your life, that one decision you took at that one instant, was the right one.

Decisions – Kevin Adams at Pinterest


2 thoughts on “Choosing and Deciding…

  1. Why would anyone judge you?! Are you doing something out of the ordinary? And even if you were, isn’t that your decision to take, as you rightly pointed out? I don’t think there’s any reason why anyone should judge you. And, as you said, everyone lives according to what works for them. You are happy, C is happy, then everyone should be happy for you.

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