Kicks and Hugs

I write this in desperation, amidst screams and cries and a dead-tired toddler who refuses to sleep. She’s been at it for two hours now, refusing to go to her bed, insisting on playing but ending up crashing into things only because she is that exhausted. I have had to close all apertures because I’m sure the neighbours are not that pleased with her screams and my hard-to-suppress yells. I hate myself for shouting at her but she knows which buttons to press and does not let go one instant. So I get angry at her and pinch myself instead of touching her although in the middle of her awful tantrums, I understand and empathize with mummies who succumb to light smacking. We are all but human after all.

Last night was a repetition of this afternoon. Perhaps a couple of nights away from her bed is the reason for this, but she’s never done it before. Her room is a mess because she’s stubbornly thrown everything on the floor. But I don’t dare go in there now to tidy up because for now I can hear nothing except silence. Maybe, perhaps, she’s down for her nap.


Which leaves a shattered me having to tidy up the rest of the place.

Parenthood is not easy. Parenthood is no piece of cake. It may be the most rewarding task and challenge out there, but that does not make it any less harder. In the early days it’s all about getting acquainted with a new person who’s totally dependant on you and with whom you have to play a game of ‘Perhaps This, Perhaps That’. It’s all about trial and error when they’re babies. When they’re toddlers it’s all about biting your tongue, counting to ten and holding your calm. It’s about trying to understand an unreasonable monster who pushes you to the very limit and then comes over to you and asks you for a hug. I swear toddlers lead to drunken mothers. It’s not yet 3pm and I could do with a glass of wine.

I used to think men were complicated and tough to understand. Think again.

She was so much quieter then...

She was so much quieter then…


4 thoughts on “Kicks and Hugs

  1. It will pass, don’t worry. I know it’s easy for me to say. I’m in the quiet of my home with no wee ones in my feet. But it will pass 😃 Have you tried coaxing her with story time? Or make two sock puppets, just add two buttons for eyes and glue some felt for mouth… Use can even thread some yarn into them for hair if you’re feeling adventurous 🙂 Act out the scene of nap/bed time. And as hard as it may seem, lower your voice even below normal. You’ll be surprise what a diff it will make… Hope you get through it Jo….

    • I am constantly muttering ‘This too shall pass’ day in, day out at the moment!! I like the poppet idea! Thanks for your words and suggestions – I’m sure it’s an awful phase she just needs to outgrow!

  2. Josepha, another post that hit it right on the spot! Going through the same thing right now where i feel like all i do is reprimand N, then he does something sweet that wins me over in a second! Every stage of parenthood has its hurdles.. right now the positive side is that potty training is becoming more successful and he is increasing his vocabulary every day…. but, still, the best part of the day is when they are sleeping peacefully in their cribs, and they look like angels.. for a second i tend to forget that these were the little ‘monsters’ responsible for the mess i call my house!

    • Her refusal to go into her bed is a first and it’s killing me because she never gave us any problems when it came to sleeping! Let’s see what this nap-time will bring along! Yes, they make you angry one minute and full of love the next!

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