I think you ought to know the reason why I am word-blocked. I have ideas, I have mental posts all written down and ready to blog about, but I can not bring thoughts to words and hit the ‘publish’ button.
I am stumped.
It was easier writing and blogging from England. Living in and writing from Malta is tough.
I used to write up to three posts a day when in England. I used to save draft after draft and publish them on a dry day. I used to write about everything under the sun, and I never had any problem getting my words out there. I wrote what I wanted and felt comfortable about. I shared beautiful moments with my virtual readers and friends, and some tough times were made more bearable after sharing. It was convenient writing in a place where you were a stranger and just one of many.
It’s not so easy expressing yourself so freely when you live on a tiny rock.
Nowadays I find myself auto-censoring my words. I have suddenly started to edit my fresh outburst of words and go through posts word by word. I seem to have lost the freedom of blogging and writing is no longer spontaneous and raw. Before getting my words across I now find myself reading posts from an outsider’s point of view and I no longer feel comfortable publishing the first draft of work. I have suddenly started caring what others think of what I write and I can no longer stand those who don’t understand how liberating blogging is. The curious and bemused looks of some people coupled with their questions about how I can ‘write something on the internet’ have finally toppled me over.
This is not how it should be.
I have been thinking of changing the blog’s perspective, of stopping the writing altogether, of coming up with new ideas, of anything that might respark my love of this page and the gratitude of you dear readers. But till now nothing seems to have worked.
I can not delete this blog because every post written holds a dear memory. Every comment left by a reader showed me that someone out there bothered to share a thought with me and every new follower made me smile.
But perhaps unlike before, my absence here will be a bit longer. I’m stuck in a frustrating rut and I have to find my way out of it. I’m not thinking of whether I will be able to get back on my feet again, it’s just a question of when.
So bear with me. I just wanted you to understand my silence and the reasoning behind it.