The last time I wrote you a letter was last year and the one before. I could have written the same words today, but you’re three so you deserve a new set of words and a new letter. I’m not normally stuck for words, but between my hormones and everything else, this letter came after lots of drafts and sobs.
You’ve been in our lives for three years, yet it seems as if you’ve always been here. I can not even remember life without you in it. You are that important to us – you are our whole lives.
I see my younger self in you – when you trace any numbers and letters you see, whenever I switch off your bedroom lights and hear sounds coming out from your room minutes later, and find you ‘reading’ (turning) the pages of a book, one leg crossed over the other. I have now understood that you are nobody’s fool and you do things at your own pace and at your choosing. No one can force you to do something you’re not ready for. You have your preferences and your ideas and no one can change them for you. I am constantly choking up as I hang your little colourful pants on the hanging line. Where did my baby go?
I love your loving nature, your laughs, your spontaneous bursts of love, hugs and kisses, how you come hug my tummy and ask me ‘what is mama’s baby doing?’ You are energetic and never stop for a moment, you tire me at times, but it is who you are. Yet for all this, you have a sensitive side which I treasure so much. You sense when other people are not feeling their best and your attitude changes around them. Whenever I am abrupt with you for whatever reason, you come over and ask me ‘Are you happy mama’?’ You are my sweetheart, my little joy and my soulful little girl.
A big part of me wants to keep you at this age forever. I don’t want you to go to school next autumn and be a student with new friends and new timetables. I don’t want you to grow up any faster and change a bit. I want you to remain the girl you are today, just the way you are.
We have always tried our very best with you. As first-time parents we may have gotten it wrong a couple of times but everything we did was always done with love and with you in mind. You have to understand that whatever we are and did in our lives, our biggest achievement and biggest pride is having you as the little girl you are today. You may understand this when you are older yourself and have children of your own, but I never thought it possible to actually feel my heart swell with pride and love. Yet it happens with you every day. I thank my lucky stars for you, my little angel.
You made us parents for the first time and we will soon make you a big sister. Honestly speaking, I don’t want to give you the title of ‘big sister’ for the sole reason that it makes you feel so much older than what you are. However I know that you will be the best older sister out there. It will be a huge transition for us all, we have to adapt to being a family of four and not of three, but I know we will manage and do just fine. I hope and pray that we will be giving you a best friend for life, a sibling to take care of and love whatever happens in life. I am trying to prepare you as well as I can for the new arrival. You will know and realize that we might have a new baby to take care of, but you will always be our ‘big baby’, you brought the biggest change in our life, and we would not have it any other way.
So happy birthday my little Kikkina. Stay happy, keep smiling, always laugh and be true to yourself.
Mama’s hormones might be all over the place at the moment, so excuse my tears when I kiss you happy birthday little one. Just know that they are tears of joy, love and pride.
As we always tell you – we love you to the moon and back.
And more and more.