I’m pregnant, my face is supposedly growing, a miracle is happening within my body, everyone is happy, we’re all healthy and thankfully everything is perfectly fine.
Yet I can’t help but say that pregnancy does have some minuses…
1. You fail to walk in a straight line. You inadvertently find yourself wobbling and walking to the side, and realize that straight-walking is out of the question. Especially so when you notice how fellow pedestrians are avoiding you in the street not because they fear you, but because you are walking straight into them. Beware, the fat cow approaches.
2. You do not calculate how big you have truly become. You feel yourself growing bigger and actually stretching by the minute, but you only truly realize the humungous hulk you’ve become when you start bumping into things, knocking your child over (I’m so sorry C!) and start huffing and puffing to arrive from point A to B – five minutes away.
3. You look at your pre-pregnancy wardrobe and cry. Yes, true tears. Especially when you compare your current clothes – elasticated waistbands, baggy tops and flat shoes, with the skinny jeans and high heels. And you then cry that bit harder when you think about the size you once were.
4. Whilst appreciating the extra attention and care you get as a pregnant lady, you sometimes hate feeling like an invalid. The ‘ah, poor you…pregnant in this heat!’, and ‘you’re going to be pregnant for the whole of summer? hmmm…’ does not exactly help my mood. The worst though – elderly ladies who smile sweetly to your face, and then fail to hide their loud whispers “Miskina, rajtha dik?” Hello?! I can hear you!!
5. You stop being a human being and exist only as a bump. Whoever meets you stares for that extra second at your tummy and then moves up to your face to greet you. I now understand how big-breasted women feel.
6. Being pregnant seems to give everyone the permission to touch your belly. The next time a stranger does that to me I’m going to touch them back. Or smack them. On their belly, back, crotch, I don’t care. My belly, my body, my rules – buzz off!
7. You get used to the awful two-inch roots and sprouting white hairs growing on your head yet you are counting the days until you can visit the hairdresser and get a proper hair-do,. You start envying everyone’s shining bright locks and despair over your own, utterly convinced that it is now the time to invest in hats, hairbands and oversized bandanas.
8. Forget comfort. You will not be comfortable again for a while. If it’s not nausea, it’s heartburn. If it’s not heartburn, it’s back pain. If it’s not back pain, it’s swollen ankles. If it’s not swollen ankles, it’s being unable to sleep because it is impossible to find a good sleeping position. I can go on with this list but I won’t. You get my drift. I can however compile a new list once the baby is born. But I won’t.
9. You will get sick of drinking water. How much water can you drink without getting tired of it? Yes, you can add mint and lemon but it’s still water. And when it’s summer and you see everyone around you drinking wine and beer, it is a million times worse. Water takes on a bitter taste. I miss my wine, I miss my beer. Yes I’m pregnant and craving alcohol. You can now put on your shocked face and talk about me behind my back. Don’t think I care.
10. You realize that you’re becoming a bit too grumpy. Look at my case. I’m grateful for everything that’s happening to me. Pregnancy is a miracle. A baby is growing inside me, I’m happy and everyone is healthy. Yet I’ve just written this grumpy post. Pff, pregnant lady complaining about everything.
I’ll soon put up a positive post, I promise.
In the meantime, happy weekend!