Sea-Blue Calm

I have approximately eight and a half weeks left of being pregnant. Maybe because it’s a second pregnancy, maybe because it’s summer and maybe because this time round I’m much more busier than three years ago, the weeks have just flown by. I’m in my third trimester and bar the back aches and swollen ankles (hello cankles!) I am in a happy, serene place. My days are overall calm, my spirit is high and thankfully (for the time being) my nights are serene.

Four doctors and five visits later we have a confirmation about the sex of the baby. This time round the baby was not as co-operative as C was and it took lots of visits and weeks to get a confirmation. With C, we knew as early as our 14-week visit. This time round the baby waited till it was 30 weeks old. Better late than never I guess for someone who likes to plan and organize everything beforehand like me. Don’t go thinking we’re anywhere near ready though. Oh no. We still have no names ready, no hospital bags, no baby apparel, nothing. It may be a repetition of C’s story again. C was born, in my arms and we were still undecided about the name. It was only when we were put on the spot that we made a split-second choice, and luckily enough it was one we never regretted. Her name fits her to a tee.

I’m enjoying this third trimester. It may be very hot and I’m practically energy-less but I’m in good spirits. I’m trying to enjoy C as much as I can and her company is the best one out there. She’s hard-headed and stubborn yet it is what makes her who she is. There’s no beating round the bush with her. If she likes you she will talk to you willingly and happily. But if for some strange reason she does not take a liking to you, she will tell it to you as it is. It is very embarrassing having her tell my friends and strangers alike “I don’t like you” or “I don’t want to talk to you”, but there is nothing I can do. I’m sure every mother out there will understand this.¬†She looks at people and loudly says, “Mama, why is the lady sad? She’s not happy”. I have to then explain to her that just because someone is not laughing out loud does not make them sad. But that is the way her three-year old mind works. When she is happy she giggles, laughs, dances to Mickey Mouse songs and jumps into our arms telling us “I love you” over and over again. When she sees us quiet, she approaches us and asks us “Are you sad mama’? I make you happy?” A yes prompts her to hug us and literally lick our faces off.

She is my happy bunny ūüôā

 

It's these quiet yet goofy moments that I want to treasure x

It’s these quiet yet goofy moments that I want to treasure x

One of the quiet moments, although the youngest of us all was kicking like crazy in there :)

One of the quiet moments, although the youngest of us all was kicking like crazy in there ūüôā

 

 

Fly By

This summer is flying by. July is suddenly nearing its’ end and I’m three-fourths of my way through this pregnancy. It seems I’m growing by the day and my wardrobe is becoming more and more limited as the days pass. Unlike my pregnancy with C, I am still able to wear some of my pre-pregnancy dresses and tops, although trousers are now out of the question, because even the elastic-band trick is not working any longer. So I have my ever-faithful numbered tops, skirts, trousers and beloved flat sandals, and I’m set it seems. The only items of clothing I can experiment with are accessories, so at the moment I’m splurging¬† on necklaces and bracelets. And clothes for C of course..the little missus is constantly outgrowing her clothes and gives me the perfect excuse to go shopping for her. Her clothes are my guaranteed ticket to burn.

We are spending our days swimming, going out for ice-cream walks, meeting up with friends and eating. I don’t know about you but (pregnancy aside) I eat more in the summer months. I go out more often, dine out more frequently and finish each meal with an ice-cream or something sweet. Winter plates may be heavier, but summer eating is much more frequent it seems. At least for me.

I’m enjoying the last few weeks of being a mother of one.¬† I am sometimes scared of ruining the balance we have reached with her when the baby comes. We know her routine and her dis/likes, we love¬†her late mornings¬†and laid-back attitude,¬†and I do fear, yet know,¬†that she will change¬†with the new arrival.¬†She is a tall three-year old, yet she is still such a young girl. She still needs reassurance and warm cuddles, she looks to us for smiles and kisses and is full of love. A new baby will take away some of the attention she has grown used to now, but I’m believing and hoping¬†it will be for the better. Add to that a new school and lifestyle and she sure is in for a change. We are trying to make the transition as easy as possible for her, we talk about the baby everyday, she kisses and hugs my tummy and has started helping me out with daily chores I’m no longer able to do myself,¬†yet I know that it will still be a shock for her. However her character reassures me that she will be the best older sister for her sibling.

Again, I can’t believe that at three years of age she will already be an ‘older’ sister.

Time is flying by. Our days are lazy ones and I’m trying to enjoy each day of this summer to its’ fullest. I can’t fully appreciate the summer as much as I did in previous years, with my aching back, tired legs and a kicking baby, but I’m doing my best.

So far, so good.

I can't believe we will soon be going back to these days...it seems surreal, slightly scary yet at the same time I can not wait!

I can’t believe we will soon be going back to these days…it seems surreal, slightly scary yet at the same time I can not wait!

 

 

“Am I or the other ones crazy?”

Never has a blog name seemed as appropriate as it does right now.

Yesterday was a day of randomness. Random thoughts started popping into my mind, I was set off into giggling fits at the most random thought ever and I spent an hour on Facebook going through other people’s photos, convinced that some pictures were actually giving me the shivers. My mind is working in strange ways, I am seeing the silly side of things at times, and at other times I find myself wondering ‘what the hell are you doing, Jo?’

We went to the supermarket and I couldn’t stop laughing at this:

warming potatoes

Then The Husband came over and told me ‘The breasts* are reduced’ and that had me going again.

We saw a Maltese TV programme where one of the guests couldn’t stop saying ‘gas’ the lazy American way – gaaaaaas. We were in fits.

I have been buying Christmas cards and wrapping paper like a maniac, just because they’re 70% off. And of course it doesn’t matter that I haven’t sent a Christmas card in three years. Or that last Christmas I forgot to take the wrapping paper with me to The Rock after having bought in October.

I’m having dreams which are weirder than usual. My dreams are not the running-on-the-hills-singing-and-laughing sort. No. My dreams are much more weird – I am either killed, or I kill someone I know, other times I live in China with my family who’ve taken up very strange Chinese facial features, and sometimes I’m shopping without paying. And my most common dream right now – waking up all sweaty and panicked because I’ve lost my engagement and wedding rings again.

I know what’s causing all this. Amidst the confusion, chaos and craziness we are living through right now, my brain is seeking out these small random things as an outlet to let out all the anxiety which would otherwise build up inside me and end up having locked up forever. As for my dreams, well they do say that dreams are secret inner thoughts and desires (the shopping not the killing).

Whatever it is, I am living in random world at the moment. I really wish I could tell you more, but while there is so much to tell at the same time I feel as if it’s still early days to talk about anything mainly because some points are still up in the air. See, not even my own words make sense to me sometimes. I feel for you, dear readers. But I need to know that you’re at the other end, reading this, maybe nodding your head and thinking how you’ve had similar days? Please make me feel normal!

* He was talking about chicken breasts, not my own.

Smiling rainbows!

I am not a complainer by nature. I am the ultimate positivist and I deeply try not to let anyone or anything bring me down or dampen my spirits. So re-reading my past couple of posts, I have realized that they are somewhat negative in tone. I seem to be complaining about everything I am going through in this pregnancy – from the backaches to the restless nights and everything in between! So today I want to focus on the positive things. The things which have made me smile and appreciate this miraculous journey my body is going through.

The Bump.

Yes, I love my bump. I love its’ curve, its’ perfect roundness which is constantly growing and getting bigger. I love the way it has totally unbalanced my body, causing me to inadvertently walk sideways and not in a straight line any longer. I love the various shapes it takes when the baby inside is moving, seeing it shift to the left and right may be uncomfortable but it is the most fascinating thing I have ever seen. I have learnt to identify where the legs, feet and elbows are, and am now quite an expert on the power of the kicks and nudges. And deep down I selfishly love the way the baby only kicks and answers A’s and my own coos and words.

To be honest it is quite shocking the way my body has changed, how my skin is stretching and still needs to stretch more in the coming weeks, how everything is that bit more sensitive and how heavy I seem all of a sudden. But the big reason for all this, and knowing that maybe, just maybe, I will someday be closer to encountering my normal body again, are keeping me going.

New-found Respect.

Unlike a small minority on The Rock, here in England politeness seems to be rule of the land. Take away the few exceptions here and there, and the English have to be among the most polite people I have ever meant. From the way they greet you in shops to the way they drive, everything seems to be about smiles, please’s, thank you’s, and going out of their way to ensure that they have not offended you in any way. While it honestly bothers me at time, because you have to stop and wonder how much of this behaviour is true and how much is just about false smiles and laughs (because honestly, can someone be THAT happy everytime of everyday?), I much prefer to it the way we Maltese function on The Rock. And with pregnancy, has come a newly discovered kind of respect. Our community gardener was working here the other day and while I was on my way out, he stopped trimming the lawn and asked me how I was doing, and how far along I was in the pregnancy.Having 60+ year olds offering to give you their seats on the bus or teenage girls allowing you to jump the queue for the ladies’ toilet, is a novelty for me. I can not help but compare it to The Rock, where such voluntary kindness can be easily dismissed, and daring to ask for a spare seat on a bus would mean getting a hasty ‘no’ plus a couple of angry glares, or more worse, total indifference for the rest of the journey.

Emotions and Hormones.

I am not here referring to the hormones that have lately made me cry for no reason whatsoever or lash out at poor A when he asks me if I am hungry. I have come to appreciate and show my affection to the people closest to me like I have never done before. I am quite a private person and only open up with those whom I am closest to. And even with these people, I am not the most blatant in nature. But I have seen myself change. For some reason, I have never been as close to my mother as I was with my father, and with him passing away, I thought that would bring us closer together. While it has, it is only now that I am really feeling the axis in our relationship change. I am listening to her more, taking heed of her advice and learning to accept her for the person she is, knowing fully well that I am not the easiest person in the world to be with. I have started ending my messages and chats to her with ‘I love you’, something I would not even have started to fathom a couple of months ago. Her visit here last week was perfect in every way – we connected, we talked and it was just the time we both needed to rediscover each other again, and I am truly happy with our relationship.

As for A, I have fallen in love all over again, and then a bit more. He has been everything I needed during this pregnancy – calm, loving, patient (lots and lots), a bit strict at times (I need discipline!) and attentive. He had a different upbringing from mine – his father is an only child and his mother hails from the bigger island, so he never grew up as I did – surrounded with cousins, aunts a big family and all the chaos that comes with that. It was not the case that he felt uncomfortable around young children, it was simply that he was never used to that situation. Give me a child and I’d get down on all fours and act as a child myself. With A, I could see him really trying and now, nine years later, I see a changed man. I fully realized this last year during our wedding preparation period. My cousin who was four at the time, was our flower-girl. She is an adorable girl, totally out-going and always up to something mischievous. A, like myself, is quite reserved. Yet, by the wedding day, she was blatantly choosing his company over mine, and preferring to stay with him than with me. She listened to his every word, did as he told her and laughed when she saw him laughing. I now can not wait for him to meet his child. I know he will be a perfect dad, as perfect as we both can be considering this is a total first for both of us. All his qualities which made me fall in love with him way back in July of 2002 are coming back to hit me, bombard me more like, this time round, and I can not help but look at him and smile every time I see him. He was a perfect boyfriend and fiance, is a wonderful husband and I’m guessing will be a besotted and devoted father.

And the hormones are at it again considering I have just gotten my tissues out…

So have a happy weekend everyone, a happy LONG weekend to everyone in England, and my wee bit of advice to everyone is to learn to be more appreciative about what and who surrounds us. Unfortunately we sometimes let small and useless inconveniences get in our way and block the otherwise sunny path that is our life.

xxx Jos